I have been quiet with posts lately. I haven’t been active on social media very often or in blogging communities. The truth is: I’ve been struggling.
I work unpredictable shifts with no routine, look after a
hyperactive full on baby, try my hardest to work out, keep my house from looking derelict and somehow, at the end of the day, perform at a blogger level.
Going back to work with a baby was difficult. Going back to shift work with a baby barely 4 months old was borderline traumatic. I really struggled (and still do) finding balance. I thought it would get better and during this period of time I developed Balancing Ellie as striving for balance was something I craved. Instead things didn’t get better, instead they got worse. Eventually I had to come to a heart breaking and demoralizing conclusion: I’m not superwoman. Some days I struggle to be just average.
It is beyond difficult and to be honest, I don’t know how people do it. Do they have family that help? Do they hire help like nanny’s and cleaners? Do they do the whole ‘instasham’ and ‘fakebook’ of pretending your house, cooking, and life in general is like something out of an exorbitant dream? All I knew was that I was failing miserably and it made my soul hurt.
Eventually, something had to give. I had to try eliminating stressors to see if my life became enjoyable again. I made the gut wrenching decision to let my blog go. I think it was the first time in nearly a year that I cried when I admitted my defeat. It was the only thing I enjoyed but I thought that by stopping my blogging I would release the stress in my life. Instead, when I let my blog go, mentally I let myself go.
It took these few months to realize that I need to blog. The fog that is my depression is clearing and I feel like myself. After long consideration of pro’s and con’s I have decided to come back to blogging. I feel like I have so much more to share with you all and to be honest, I feel like this is my calling. After all, how the heck was I ever going to achieve my goals if I am not out there trying to achieve them?! I’ve decided to make room in my life for blogging (a whole different post!) and to do something that makes me happy.
So ladies and gents, I’m back… with a vengeance.